This past weekend I spent my first night (actually an entire weekend) away from Emily since she's been born. I had a reunion with some old college friends in Pittsburgh (which, ironically, is nowhere near where I went to college but convenient for me because I could catch up with friends and family all at once) and it was so much fun! There have been so many long days at home alone with Em where all I wanted was to escape for a bit and yet as this weekend neared, I was consumed with fear and worry. Would Emily think that I had abondoned her for good? Would she forget me entirely? I had no doubts about Eric's ability to take care of our baby girl, but I maybe have a wee bit of a problem giving complete control over her schedule to my - how can I put this nicely - more laid back husband. (Case in point, Emily slept in until 10:30 a.m. on Saturday, which is about two hours later than she has EVER slept in before). Still, I was excited to go, to reminisce with friends, and have a good time.
Interestingly, I found that I wasn't worrying about Emily (or Eric) much at all while I was gone. I was able to enjoy the weekend, and barely paused to think about what I would normally be doing. I was completely schedule free, not worrying about naptimes, snack times, or bed times. I found it a lot easier than expected to slip back into a version of myself before having a kid. Still, there were differences. Having a child has changed my perspective, the way I see the world, the way I experience things. In the end I learned that I can still have fun when it's just me, that I can appreciate the opportunity to take a well deserved break, but that I love my little family with all my heart and most days, there is just nowhere else I'd rather be.